I can't sleep and I have to be up at like eight tomorrow/today/whateverthefuck. I just got all my shit together to get my classes scheduled. I kind of miss how close to campus I lived in Kent. And my friend(s?) in kent.

My dad finally has a headstone. After a fucking year and a half. At least its not a ridiculous one, the cemetery wouldn't let her put the dog on it thanks be god.

ok i sleep now

my dad still doesn't have a headstone...and when he gets it, it will say "Here lies Freckles and his dog." All thanks to my grandmother. First of all, only my mom called him Freckles and second of all this is absurd, couldn't she just put David Stahley and his dates? Maybe beloved father husband and son?...EVERYTHING my family does is a mockery...*files name change papers*

Mou just got a bath and boy is he pissed. Not my fault tho, he pooped all over his butt and was running all over the house trying to wipe it on stuff. *headdesk*

I'm super bored at work. We have this tiny netbook at work thats just good for surfing thenet, its not bad for a pc. :-p
My last day at the shack is 5/8/09 I'm a teeny bit nervous to tell my boss. I've applied at the 24 hr CVS on the corner of clifton and 117th and the manager i spoke to sounded optimistic. I asked for a transfer to another radioshack but i don't think that'll happen, and if it does it'll be on the east side. I refuse to work in shaker heights lol.

I'm trying to talk my self out of getting my septum pierced because i should really save that thirty-five bucks. But I get off at two tomorrow and I think when i get home i may have a hole in my face :-p. I shouldn't. But I might. But I shoudln't. But I might.

We sign our lease May first :) I'm excited. Still seeking a home for Om (I'm crossing my fingers kymmy)argh

WHERE am I gonna get the money to move (May 9th if you want to help)

Suppose thats it

♥

We went to my dads grave today and I really didn't feel anything. It was weird. I expected to at least feel a bit sad or something, anything. I wasn't angry or upset or sad or anything I was just being an ass with my mom aunt and cousin, my mom stomped on his grave, she's really angry at him. I can understand why tho. Even with him gone she's got so many problems that he caused, she's broke because of his bills, mostly his taxes. You can only send so many death certificates. Argh. I got nothin.

Yeah its four am. I have to get up at 9. If I could actually sleep now, that'd work out ok. I probably won't be in bed til steve goes to work. Ugh. Speaking of steve, he got me sick, jerk. Oh well it isn't too bad, and its not like I'm gonna call off work because we need money unbelievably bad. Seriously, our landlord thing at the new apt. told us we could pay our pet deposit after we moved in. Now she says we have to pay it WHEN we sign the lease, ok let me just pull two hundred bucks outta my ass...Fuckin jordan court probably told them we didn't pay the deposit. WHEN WE FUCKING DID. *headdesk* fuck you jordan court I can't wait to move out of you...haha I'm still in a pretty ok mood tho...

I just got a 3,000$ scholarship to CSU....tuition is 3500$...this is talent based...I haven't gotten my academic scholarships....free ride??? maybe??? dude 3000 every year for four years...thank you financial aide fairy.

So the series of events is as follows:
December 21, 2008: last time i got a period
December 22, 2008: got a shot of depo provera
December 27th ish: Felt free to have unprotected sex once period was over as this is safe to do with said shot.
February 20th ish: Stopped having said unprotected sex b/c I decided I was never to get another depo shot again EVER. They said come back by mach 13th to get another shot to be protected. This means safe to have sex til then right? I stopped early.
Mid March; I had some cramps and light spotting then nothing
Right the fuck now: Nothing...should I have had a period by now or am I being silly....A baby is definitely not what I had planned for this coming year...*headdesk* not worrying yet *(yeah right)

Work for five hours...I remember when work wasn't work unless it was an eight hour shift . Psh. This is kid stuff. And boring to boot. I need to ask for a transfer this week I think. Life will probably suck for me from here on out at the shack. O well, again let the job search begin.

The conservatory admission committee has met to consider your application for admission, and in particular, the results of your audition. Your credentials and audition were reviewed with considerable care; however, we find that it is not possible to offer you admission to the conservatory of music. It is clear that you possess many fine qualifications, and we ask you to understand this decision as an indication of the high caliber of this years applicants. (which i obviously didn't meet.)


You get the jist. The letter goes on to say that I should still attend BW and study something else with music as a minor. They'll give me 8500 in scholarships leaving roughly 4 grand to come up with. But why on earth would i go somewhere to NOT study music. *ugh*....thats it..CSU here I come..(I'm still waiting on my fin aid letter) I guess I can register for classes now.

so in response..


Dear BW Conservatory Admissions,

Fuck you and your snobby selves. Take your 100,000 dollar education (yeah thats 4 years at conservatory.) And shove it. Give it to someone who doesn't have the ambition to do good and help others. I'm going to change someone's life for the good with my 24.000 dollar education and when I'm featured in a journal or magazine for GROUNDBREAKING advances in Music Therapy and Psychology you'll wish you'd accepted me. I'll struggle and take a bit longer to find a job because the people with a BW degree will get the jobs first but I'll deserve them.

That is all
katie

I'm being melodramatic. But i'm butt hurt. ah well off to bed I have to work tomorrow.

♥

I finally start work tomorrow. Seriously this has taken forever, since near the beginning of february. I kind of feel bad that i'm leaving in may. But seriously, he's dicked me around for a month. He can get over it. I have a performance tonight :) i'm ready even tho i havent gone to the last 2 or 3 rehearsals. o welllll.

Today is the third day in a row that i've woken up at around 3pm. I've been going to sleep when steve leaves for work at 5. Crazy. We're headed to cleveland when he gets home to get my new phone (we're buying from my brother to support my niece on the way). Mom decided its time for me to grow up. So here we go step one get your own damn cell phone, and i will! I'm still waiting on my acceptance for Baldwin Wallace *taps foot impatiently* there's still that tiny glimmer of home that the financial aid fairy will come thru for me. In the mean time I've gotten 756 million welcome/acceptance letters from CSU and 2 acceptance packets...Jeeze think they want me to go there? Show me the money baby.

In other news I for sure have that job at radio shack. They're waiting on my background check to come back. Then they'll call me with my start date. I went on a makeup buying spree. Well not really a spree. I hit up E.L.F for some cheapies that turned out to be really awesome. And then last night I got some stuff from pinup girl. Masuimi Max has a really neat line with some really vintage colors. I got some red matte lipstick some plum eye shimmer and this awesome grenadine colored blush that will promptly be used as eye shadow. I also got some sunglasses very similar to the ones i was looking at on pinup girl that are 85$ and I spent 9$ on mine. :)

The spot where they ripped the tooth out of my face is healing pretty well. It doesn't hurt bad enough to even take motrin any more. The tylenol 3's made me groggy and mean. but they made my mouth not hurt. I'm still not allowed hot tea or soup. And 3-4 weeks of not eating food with seeds. I wasn't allowed to play the flute all week as to not open up my sinus cavity. Which meant I missed the flute choir rehearsal this week. THe concert is next week. Lucky me I know my parts. I wish i could say that for the rest of the choir.

My mother boggles my mind sometimes. So I have to have this goddamn tooth pulled and we were thinking co-pay was going to be 30 bucks. Wrong its going to be 250 or something retarded bc the deductable hasn't been met. So i'm retarded for letting this tooth get bad enough to be pulled. I told her not to worry about it I'll find some way to pay for this. So she goes off on a rant about how I either need to be an adult or a kid. Let me clarify she pays my phone and my car insurance which don't get me wrong i am UTTERLY grateful for in this my hour of fucking need. Last year i offered to take on the phone bill. She wouldn't have it she lectured me and that was the end of it. So during our lovely little chat this afternoon she says she needs to let me know that she's upset that she has to pay for this dentist fiasco. So fine don't pay wait til I'm 21 and eligible for medicaide and i can make the taxpayers do it. No I'm kidding I'll get real health insurance. So we're both crying ( I have major PMS bc i'm coming down off the birth control shot so fuck me, if you look at me cockeyed i'm crying) She says that when I get a job she'd like me to pay my car insurance. I can do that 50 bucks a month isn't a big problem when you have a steady-ish job. What gets me is I can't remember the last time I asked her for money, wait yes I can 50 bucks beginning of december which she WOULDN'T let me pay back. I have a flat tire which I can't afford to fix, she would normally front the cost, i didn't ask for the money. I'll find a way to pay for it. Did i ask her for money when they turned off our cable? Or when they were going to turn off our electricity? Nope. But please let me mention to you that she paid to turn my brothers gas back on last year, a hefty sum i may add. She wants to get pissy over me being half her kid half an adult she needs to get pissy at him, he owes her close to two grand. On top of that she gave them over 5 grand for their wedding out of her retirement fund. and she's crucifying me over this tooth.She won't say anything to him about the money he owes her. not a thing. She'll pay for my tooth with a credit card. Don't bother I'll get an infection and let it rot out of my face. She started on me about the tire with "Dad's not here to pay for it" You fucking think I don't know that???? This is why I'm taking rent money to pay for the goddamn tire. I NEVER asked her for the money for it. I just mentioned in passing conversation that we were going to get it fixed today. She was talking to me about living paycheck to paycheck. I get unemployment of 97.60 a week, you want to talk about paycheck to paycheck???? She gets all teary and goes ' you don't know what its like' You're right I don't know what its like to come up with 800 dollars worth of rent, because I didn't sign a lease that i'd have trouble paying, I struggle to come up with 250 for my half of rent. So when I say "Don't worry about paying for this tooth thing I'll figure something out" she flips and tells me I can't pay for it, to which i reply "well it doesn't sound like you can either" I proceed to apologize for the millionth fucking time about the god damn tooth. and tell her how much I hate asking for help she goes "I knew this was going to backfire" so i shut up and let her talk and she got all quiet and mumbled something about getting off the phone. Seriously, on top of her paycheck she gets 7 hundred something a month from my dad's pension. I understand she has bills. I don't even want her to pay for anything. I'll pay my own damn phone bill somehow.I just don't want her to come at me like that over 250 when she won't say anything to my damn brother about the over a thousand he owes her....sorry I"m done

If you can't read it it says I GOT IN! wew! waiting on scholarship letters and acceptance from BW

My auditions are FINALLY over. I think they went well. I got a call from Radioshack Friday AM, I'm supposed to go in sometime this week for a second interview (formality i think) and to fill out new-hire paperwork. So I'm waiting on the call back from radioshack and my letters from CSU and BW informing me of acceptance and financial aid, well at least the music scholarships (hpefully lots of those) We checked out the apartment I really reallyr really really like on Lake avenue (between 110th and 115th) It was built in the twenties and has a hardcore neat old elevator (which i will NEVER set foot in) The suite we looked at and like is a pretty spacious one bedroom with all wood floors. The space is set up much more efficiently than our apartment now. The thing is we can only have two cats, everywhere we've looked. Meaning we have to get rid of two. Mou and Colombia (or tiny kitten as she answers to) get along the best and are the most well behaved. We were thinking of giving Om to a shelter tho because we can't seem to get him to stop peeing everywhere. And Magenta I love that cat, but I don't have the time to give her the attention she needs. I feel like a terrible cat mommy for taking on so many cats on at once Steve and I have discussed it and Mou and Colombia are the most adaptable and they get along the best. I've asked all my friends if they want Mags but none of them want to or can take her. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to get rid of any of them! The weird thing is, you can only have 2 cats but even with those two cats you can have a dog...so I can have 3 animals but only 2 can be cats...go fucking figure. So if anyone wants an adorable little tortiseshelle who will love you to death...*headdesk* I'm the worst cat mom ever

I just re-read one of my posts from November. I can see a marked improvement. I'm not as hopeless as I seemed, losing that job seems to have been a blessing I had an interview at radio shack that went really well last week and they said they'd call Friday(20th) because the manager is going out of town. I've managed to lose some weight and stop drinking pop, the eating habits are slowly coming along. I stopped taking wellbutrin about the time i got the depo shot, fuck me, don't EVER get that shot, my acne is SO bad I NEVER break out EVER. But I've been on it solid for a week just like I've been working out and eating better-ish. I have those two auditions, it really made me feel better to get that stuff accomplished, It seems in reach now, like I just may be able to pay tuition at cleveland state, I really would LOVE to go to BW but I'm not going to get myself in more debt, that'd be stupid for the EXACT SAME DEGREE. I won't lie I am terrified I'm going to royally fuck my audition at CSU and completely fail at life and get laughed at. But i always get scared like that I have nothing but free time to practice.
In other news, I went to the dentist today, Just because i have a little toothache, i figgure sit there get a filling, cry the whole time, be done in 1/2 hr right? NO!!!! My dumb ass let this cavity in the back of my mouth get so bad that I have to get it pulled *headdesk* ALSO he wants my wisdom teeth out at the same time *facepalm* On the kind of neat side, I don't have Wisdom teeth on the bottom to begin with, lucky me? I guess? I am completely terrified of the dentist, They will have to sedate me into oblivion to take these teeth out. I'm not joking I cry harder at the dentist than i did at my dads funeral, well almost. I can get tattooed pierced have 3 hours of eye surgery stretch my ear lobes and do all other crazy shit but i will not open my mouth for a dentist unless you sit on my chest and pry my mouth open.Note:braces for 3 years no problem let them do whatever they want, orthodontist=way cooler than dentist. yeah so 2009 is turning out a teeny bit better than 08 except for the fact that i have to have 3 teeth pulled and a couple of fillings. I swear I'm going to the dentist regularly from now on and buying the extra-est strength listerene made fuck tooth decay, its not metal

So good news, I'm eligible for scholarships at CSU. AND tuition is only 3500ish...i know i said only but seriously compare that to 7500 at Kent and thats freaking do-able. Why didn't i just go to CSU for music therapy in the first place? Because I wouldn't have made lasting friends (or should i say friend) and experienced the scariest set of flute lessons in my life. FYI I have an audition on friday feb 20th at CSU and Saturday at BW. I think I'm just auditioning at BW to say I got in (assuming I do get in) Unless by some random act of god they decide to pay the 1300 dollars it costs to go there...thats almost ten grand more than cleveland state that shit is ridiculous. I'm just sayin.I want another tattoo. thats it

I bought these....cause I'm a money waster :) can't wait til they get here

HOLY FUCK AUDITION IN 12 DAYS FUCK FUCK FUCK I"M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! Seriosly WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? k thats pretty much it...did i mention


12 DAYS!!!!